Everyday Humor

I don't know if you all will find any of these at all humorous, but they highly amused us. ;)

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Ajoyfulheart: *walks in room* *panicked gasp* "[Notmyown]! There's a huge spider on my bed!"
Notmyown: "That is not a huge spider."
Ajoyfulheart: "Yes it is!! Can you come kill it for me? Hurry, before it goes under my covers!"
Notmyown: "Kara, what are you going to do when your husband is gone to work, you're at home with little kids, and there's a spider?"
Ajoyfulheart: *pause* "....Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

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One evening, when we had another family over for dinner, my brothers and the visiting boys were playing around upstairs (mostly with guns and lightsabers - i.e. Davy Crockett meets Mace Windu). At one point, all of the boys suddenly came running full-kilter into the family room yelling in terror, diving behind and jumping over furniture, and just generally scrambling for cover from something. The rest of us looked in the direction from which they had come, to ascertain what had caused the boys' distress - a moment later, my little four year old sister came walking in, holding a lightsaber in each hand.

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Notmyown: "I have a question--"
Grandma: "I have an answer! I hope they match!"

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*During an IM conversation in which I was explaining to my cousin how to go about doing a particular something or other on the computer that she couldn't figure out*
Traci:"welllll....i don't know THAT much about computers i just know that when you press certain buttons certain things happen i have no idea WHY!"

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Our family was sitting around the dinner table discussing state senators and representatives, one of whom my dad had been to see a while before. All of a sudden, my four year old sister said matter-of-factly, "That's because ears belong on your head."

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One of my current jobs includes being a transcriptionist for a couple of doctors. The following was on the tape, and made me burst out laughing.
Doctor: "...with phenol and alcohol."
*pause*
Other voice, high and digital-sounding: "Be KIND to them!"

(That doctor has a young son, so very likely it was a children's video playing, or something of that sort.)

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This one my cousin Traci told us. She and a group of friends went to the theaters to watch Spiderman 3. At one point in the film, Peter Parker actually knocks MJ to the ground - when they came to that scene, a little boy in the movie theater shouted indignantly, "He hit a girl! That's illegal!!"

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Grandma: "We should stuff all of our nuclear waste into socks--that way, half of it would disappear immediately!"

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The family was having a serious discussion at the dinner table one night, and had been doing so for quite a while. Finally a pause came in the conversation, and my four year old sister sighed and said dreamily, "I wish I could stand on my head..."

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(Scene: Ajoyfulheart, sitting on her bed and reading a book. Notmyown, sitting at my desk working on my computer.)
Ajoyfulheart: "I wonder if I were to fall off a high building, would it hurt more to be curled up in a ball, or stretched out flat?"
Notmyown: *turns in swival chair and just looks at Ajoyfulheart for a long moment*
Ajoyfulheart: "What?! I was just wondering, in case I ever fall, so I could know!"

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My 8 year old brother: *Walks up to Mommy* Mommy, what do you think it would feel like to be a crab?

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My 8 year old brother and 4 year old sister, who had just been outside romping around for a while, came tramping in, and Baby Girl immediately sat down to remove her shoes. Her brother, on the other hand, continued to march away, ordering in a military fashion, "Come on, soldier!" His brave soldier's response? "MY SHOES ARE DIRTY!" and she burst into tears.

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Someone had brought their 10 year old grandson to my mom's workshop that she was teaching the other day. My brothers being gone to a Bible study, Baby Girl attached herself to him and offered to play with him. Ajoyfulheart and I were in the kitchen, finishing up the dishes and tidying, when Ajoyfulheart turned to me and said, "Did they goes upstairs?" I replied that I didn't know, and she assured me that she heard them running up the stairs. Preferring to keep them downstairs, where they could be watched, I went in search of them, and found Baby Girl wandering around in a sitting room just outside of my brothers' room (where, unbeknownst to me at the time, the boy was hiding). She immediately informed me that they were playing hide and seek, and that she was looked for "the boy," as she called him.

"Baby Girl, I need to you come back downstairs. Let's find Dallas [the boy] and you two come downstairs to play, ok?"

She responded, looking at me very earnestly, "Ok - I need to find the boy before he steals something!!"

I laughed, telling her that Dallas was not going to steal anything! and called for him. He came running out of the boys' room - the door to which was about 3 meters from where Becca had been standing...LOL Little kids have almost NO discretion.

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One afternoon when Ajoyfulheart and I were folding laundry, I had tried several times to start a conversation with her about this or that, but to no avail - she would give a brief answer and then go back into her own world. After one such attempt, she exclaimed, "I'm thinking!!" and then again fell silent.

A while later, I said something else to her, and she cried, exasperated, "[Notmyown], you just wrecked my train of thought and now it's ruined!!"

I began laughing, and she said in a sulking manner, "I know what you're thinking, and it's not funny," whereupon she also burst out laughing. :P

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Last summer we were spending time with some new friends from Australia, and somehow got on the topic of restaurants. We asked them if they had ever eaten at "Outback" (a very well-known steakhouse chain here in the States).

The dad's reply was, "Oh, no you don't want to eat anything from the outback - the food is...eh...kinda iffy."

We all had a good laugh, then explained that we were indeed talking about an actual restaurant, not the Australian wilderness.