A Giant Step

Here goes. College. How many decisions can revolve around ONE thing (and such intimidating choices sometimes)?

Over spring break some major and slightly unexpected college decisions came up. As I think I've mentioned before, I am currently taking about 6 hours in English classes from a "local" university...After a break from school in 2008, my parents thought it'd be wise for me to "ease" back into college. I've been working fairly steadily for two doctors on medical transcription, so that has more than filled in the extra time. My parents and I have had various conversations over the past few months regarding school, and what I felt like I should do with it...But until a couple of weeks ago I really didn't know. I would pray about it, beg God to show me what to do, but it didn't seem like He was answering. So I just gave up on trying to "make" it work on my own, and waited for His answer, taking it one step at a time (albeit somewhat impatiently at times).

So: Spring Break 2009. The deadline for application to a certain university my dad had mentioned was coming up; as I was not very eager to consider that particular college, he suggested that I do some research on other schools, if I was interested in transferring from the one I'm currently attending. Now, up to that point, I had not put a lot of effort into that area - I was not particularly excited about any of the universities I had heard about recently and didn't feel any strong leading from God in that direction, so I didn't want to "waste my time," so to speak. You know what I mean? So I had to wait until God moved me (though I kept busy with what He did give me to do). It was NOT easy, let me tell you! To have to trust patiently that He would move me when He was ready, and until then do something that I didn't particularly want to do (attend the local university again). Anyway, for some reason a particular acquaintance popped into my head one day and I looked up the college that they attended. I liked many aspects of it, but upon further research my dad pointed out some things that changed my mind about it. However, that sparked my dad and I to get back into searching for schools. Almost immediately he showed me one at which a family friend is now teaching - he and his family (their daughter being a friend of mine) moved there earlier this year. The more I read about it, the more I liked it. We contacted the friend (a pastor) that is teaching there, and he had a lot of positive things to say about it too...So I unexpectedly spent a good part of my spring break filling out college applications. And last week I got a call from the admissions counselor for transfer students there (I'll be transferring with approximately 45 credits or so) - I've been accepted! Not only that, but with a grade-based scholarship. :D

However, now comes the even more unexpected part. This university (John Brown University) is in Arkansas. "So?" you say? Well, it's just not what I had anticipated when considering my college plans. If you had told me a few years ago that I would be moving to Arkansas to attend college, I probably wouldn't have believed you - I thought I'd be doing college online or at least living at home and commuting. Part of the struggle has been working through that switch - I'm a planner, and like to know what's going to happen and when it's going to happen, and I don't usually like sudden changes in plans (unless it's obviously for the better). It was actually my parents who first suggested the idea that perhaps the Lord was telling them that they needed to let me go "away" for school; I don't think I would have even considered it if they hadn't brought it up. It's not going to be easy - not only leaving my family, but moving away from the town in which I have spent my entire life thus far (almost 19 years now). There have been tears shed about it, I assure you...But we all feel that the Lord is directing me to follow this path and we have a peace about it, despite the pain of separation to come. And I need to get off this subject now, before I starting crying again.

The nice thing is that I'll probably only have to be there about 2 years, maybe 3, depending on how many of my credit hours transfer. And please don't misunderstand me; though there is pain involved, I am also so very excited for what God is doing. I am extremely happy about this school and being able to attend it. From all the research I've done thus far, it's an absolutely awesome school with a wonderful Christian environment. I praise the Lord! :)

So with all that, if you would, please pray for me. There are still more decisions to be made on this topic (my major, for example), and it can be a little overwhelming to say the least. Many thanks. :)


P.S. Have any of you done any Scottish Country Dancing before? If not, you really should look into it. Some friends of ours introduced us to it a few weeks ago, and we love it - we went to one of their socials recently (put on by the local Royal Scottish Country Dancing groups) and are eagerly excited for more of them (and the ball in late summer).

Reflections

It wasn't easy to decide which photographs to post first (I have so many, and am constantly taking more)....So, in keeping with my earlier photography entry, most of the pictures in this post are from a few of the photo-shoots that I took at the pond near our house last year (the little girl is my youngest sister, and the boy 'fishing' in the fourth photo is my now nine year old brother); however, the second picture is actually the gate that leads from our backyard to the woods behind. I'm so glad I photographed that lovely, old, weather-beaten fence before it was replaced. :)

You Decide, 2009

Ok - after such a long break, I know you all deserve more than this, but frankly I've been trying to decide on what sorts of post you all prefer; sometimes I have a really strong urge to write, for example, something particularly contemplative, and sometimes I could go several completely different ways with the next post. So, in those times when I'm trying to decide which way to go, what category would you like to see more on this blog?

I didn't do a "normal" poll simply because I'd like to know who prefers what, and why. ;)

1. My photography

2. Humor (funny stories from the 'net, comic strips, etc., or amusing "everyday happenings" - Or whatever else may strike me as humorous...)

3. Politics/News/My opinion on world happenings

4. Rants (see my post on abortion) - this one's a little hard to govern, because it just "happens"

5. Reflective/contemplative/sharing of thoughts

6. "My Life" updates

7. Other (please specify if you have other ideas you'd like to see)

8. You really don't care or you like the current ratio of categories.


EDIT: LOL! Elise, really and truly, I did not read your poll until after I had written this post out! What a coincidence, though...;)

2009, I welcome thee with open arms!

So this blog finally starts a new year! I apologize for the delay in posting over the last month - I was determined that this should be the first post of 2009 (my sentimentality is showing :P). I could make the excuse that I was curing that 50% blogging addiction that a quiz linked to on Mada's blog claimed I had, but that wouldn't be really true. However...Starting college again a couple weeks ago (and having three papers due within the first 3 weeks of class!), being in a musical in which I have a lead role, and catching up on some work (from my transciptionist job especially),I have been extremely busy.

So here is basically what I wrote out to post at the beginning of the year, though my perfectionism and busy schedule prevented me from posting it then.

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This past year has been one of growing, of trusting, and of faith, for me. I shan't ramble on and on tonight, so I'll pretty much leave it at this. My faith has grown by leaps and bounds, as has my peace and joy in Him. It's not been easy - in fact that could be said of the past few years for my family. Still, Romans 8:28 comes to mind, and I can believe it with all my heart. I pray that you can, as well - there's such a peace and freedom in knowing that everything works out for the good of those who love Him. And I am so grateful for my family and friends whom the Lord has provided to encourage me along the way.

So 2008 was a year of changes and challenges. But 2009...Ah, something completely new! I'm not sure exactly why, but I have such an excitement, joy, and absolutely ecstatic delight about this new year! God must have major plans for me in it; I don't think I've felt such excitement about the New Year before! It feels like a fresh start. God is good; He is faithful - I am in awe of how He shows me this new each day.

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What else is new with Notmyown? Well, other than the already mentioned things - college, my job (which is not really new), and the musical - let's see....Oh! I am so very happy! Lord willing, I'll be taking a ballroom dancing class starting mid-February! It's really a God-thing (and rather a long story :P)...I got to dance at a wedding reception recently and absolutely fell in love with it.

Right now the main things occupying my time are my job and college...I've missed you all the past month or so - but college professors wouldn't really accept blogging as a legitimate substitute for an assigned paper, unfortunately. ;) I would appreciate your prayers, actually; not only that I would keep up with my job and two college English classes, but that He would give me wisdom regarding college. My dad and I have discussed my transferring to a different university that is a distance from home - about half a day's drive, but still in Texas...that's a huge decision that needs lots of prayer.

Oh, and in case you're interested, I updated my profile - I finally got around to listing some of my favorite movies, books, music, etc. (though those lists are certainly only partial). ;)

Anyway; Lord willing I will be posting every week or two now...Thanks for your patience during my blogging break. :) God bless!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

...Oh, and since 'The Editrix' tagged me this time... :)

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Goodness, I'd be happy for the gift, regardless of how it was wrapped! Oh, fine - I have to say that I do definitely prefer wrapping paper.


2. Real or fake tree? Well, we have usually used a fake tree in the past - we only used a real Christmas tree once, I think, and it was when I was quite young. But I'm willing to try a real tree again anytime! ;)


3. When do you put up a tree? Usually either Thanksgiving day, or that weekend.


4. When do you take it down? Usually sometime in January, though there have probably been a few years where it managed to stay up 'til February. ;)


5. Do you like eggnog? Hmm, I don't think so, but it's been a long time since I tasted it - then again, as it's raw egg, it doesn't sound very appetizing to me. :P


6. Favorite gift received as a child? I really do not know. Does salvation count (the gift of Jesus)?


7. Hardest person to buy for? Probably my dad - he seems to always buy what he needs before giving others a chance to buy it for him!


8. Easiest person to buy for? My siblings, in general. ;)


9. Do you have a nativity scene? 3 or 4, actually. :P


10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail, definitely. I love letters!


11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Umm....N/A? There was one year when I got a pair of tennis shoes that I picked out myself, but still; I didn't have to buy them!


12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Well the first Christmas movie we usually watch every year is 'The Santa Clause,' and I also enjoy 'It's a Wonderful Life.'


13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? When my schedule allows - sometimes in October or November, and sometimes (like this year) not until a couple weeks before Christmas.


14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Oh, I'm sure I have.


15. Favourite thing to eat at Christmas? Christmas FUDGE! :D And a lot of other things. :P


16. Lights on the tree? Of course!


17. Favourite Christmas song? I don't like picking favorites, "doggonit"! Let's see...O Come, O Come, Emmanuel, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, Little Drummer Boy, Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring, Carol of the Bells...Shall I go on?


18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? We've celebrated Christmas at home every year thus far, I think.


19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Let's see if I can: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen...and Rudolph? :P I just sang the song in my head to remember them. ;)


20. Angel on the tree top or a star? We don't always have a tree topper, actually - but when we do, it's usually a star.


21. Open presents on Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning - stockings first (our parents hide them and we run all over the house to find them), then breakfast, and after that we open presents.


22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? How stressful it has become for the majority of society (and the feeling of obligation some people have about giving; giving is supposed to be such a joyful thing!) - and how commercialized it is, but that's pretty much inevitable.


23. Favourite Ornament theme or color? Couldn't decide that! Depends on the ornament.


24. Favourite for Christmas dinner? Our honey-roasted ham, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, and whatever else is made for the meal! :)


25. Favourite Decorations? Hmm...Again, I don't have a "favorite" decoration, but I love the lighted garlands and the bows on the staircase.


26. What do you want for Christmas this year? Make that past tense, since Christmas is almost over for this year! :P There was actually almost nothing in particular that I really wanted. I was pleasantly surprised (and it's not easy to surprise me - somehow I almost always manage to find things out!). I got a nice little digital camera of my own that I can take with me wherever I go, several CDs, a book (David Copperfield), and a small notebook from my four year old sister. :)



By the way, there's something that happened last week that I just have to tell. I had just finished a piano lesson with one of my students (an 11 year old boy of the rather serious, in-charge, and sharp sort), and leaning on the back of their baby grand piano as I wrote in his assignment book I asked him, "So Joe, if you could have any one thing for Christmas, what would it be?" His answer made me look up from my writing. He said, "Well, there's nothing really that I need. But if I could have one thing, it'd probably be a thousand dollars to spend any way I want for the Sudanese victims." Wow. Talk about humbling.

My little sister has also insisted this year that we must have a birthday cake for Jesus - such a cute thought from a four year old. :)


I would love to give each and every one of you gifts - but this Christmas a hug will have to suffice. So, if you read this, consider yourself *hugged*. :)

I hope you all had a very, very Merry Christmas - a blessed and joyful one full of His love. I'm so thankful for you!

Undying Love

"It is a marvel to me why God allows characters like mine to defile His Church. I can only account for it with the thought that if I ever am perfected, I shall be a great honor to His name...The time may come when those who know me now, crude, childish, incomplete, will look upon me with amazement, saying, "What hath God wrought!" If I knew such a time would never come, I should want to flee into the holes and caves of the earth." -Stepping Heavenward, by Mrs. E. Prentiss

Do you ever feel like that? Please tell me I'm not the only one. I have felt that way so many times over the past few months - I despaired of ever being who I know I should be (and can be, with the Lord's help), but the Holy Spirit reminds me of how far God has brought me already. I wanted to just give up, but the Holy Spirit always encourages me. I was lonely, but the Holy Spirit always comforts me and has shown me once again how blessed I am to have my family. I was tempted to "beat myself over the head" for one thing or another that might have caused others pain, but the Holy Spirit offers forgiveness and peace. As I sit here pondering, tears flood my eyes; probably in part just because I'm an emotional teenager, but looking back over the past few months...God has been testing me. I'm afraid I have not successfully passed His tests - I suppose only He can answer that, however. Honestly I don't know that I can tell you what the purpose of the tests are - the extremely painful and confusing trials - but I can go on, because I know that I know that I know they are for my good. Somewhere along the road, someday soon, I will stand on a hill and look down over the path He chose for me and say with a smile and joyful tears, "I see!" Someday soon, I will be shown the whole front of the tapestry He is weaving, and will stand in awe of its beauty and perfection, in a way I can't fathom right now.

I know that it's worth it - trusting Him. It is a journey. I have had to put things into His hands about which I care very much: relationships, school, my future, even the words I speak and the thoughts I entertain...And I have to keep giving them to Him. It's as if, just when I think I have released something, I realize that I'm really still holding on to it, insisting that I have control over this aspect or that. When will I realize that He loves me more than I love myself or anyone else? That He knows what will bring me joy and satisfaction; He knows me better than I know myself. He knows where I am best suited for Him, and He knows how to get me there. His ways are so much higher, His thoughts not our thoughts. A way may seem right to me, and maybe it is - or maybe He has a better path; who am I to judge it?

Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees. ~Victor Hugo

My soul has been on its knees much as of late; both in pain and gratitude. He gives me so many blessings I do not deserve. When trials come, shall we focus our thoughts on the light that we know is with us? For it is only through the night that one can reach the morning, and it may be that our time in "the dark room of faith" will prove to be the moment before the light begins shining most brightly.

"The night is far spent, the day is at hand..." Romans 13:12a

Randomly Tagged

Spencer tagged me to post "15 random facts that I'm not afraid to admit about myself."

(Oh, and happy belated Thanksgiving, by the way!)


1. This is the first time I've been tagged in the blogging world (and I've been in it for almost 3 years thus far!).

2. You know the first letter in the famous "Disney" signature? Well I didn't realize that that was actually a "D" until...Well until earlier this year, I think.

3. As far as credits go, I'm almost a second-semester college sophomore.

4. I looove applesauce, but my favorite fruit is kiwi fruit (in America we just call them kiwis, but I've got NZers that read my blog, so....I thought a clarification was necessary ;) ).

5. One of my brothers has told me several times that (for some strange reason) if I were a cat, I would look like my own cat, Faith...Hmmm.

6. I used to be extremely ticklish, but now there are only a few people who can tickle me 'til I laugh hysterically (my dad especially).

7. I really do not like it when people start to tell or ask something, and then say "Nevermind."

8. I'm left-handed, in case you didn't already know by reading that piece I wrote for Mada's blog last year.

9. My family is very health conscious. That means, among other things, that as a general rule we don't use a microwave, we don't eat things that have HFCS or MSG or partially hydrogenated oils in them, and even most of our household cleaners are natural.

10. I shocked my cousin earlier this week by telling her that we had actually "slept in" that day.

11. One of my brothers (the one that is younger than me by 5 years) is now taller than me and has feet that must be almost twice as large as mine (ok, that might be a slight exaggeration).

12. I love the outdoors, and I like to walk in the rain.

13. I've heard some people say that they thought the first Narnia (directed by Andrew Adamson) was boring - well I happen to LOVE that movie. So there.

14. It's not unusual for me to get extremely chilly at night, so I sleep with quite a few blankets over my sheets - I think there are four layers of blankets and comforters on my bed right now (but remember that it's winter here at the moment).

15. We watched Walle recently - another film to add to Pixar's list of total successes!


As for tagging other people....Hmm. I suppose I'll tag Guitargirl and The Editrix - there aren't many readers of this blog to tag, and some have already been tagged by Spencer. ;)


I apologize in advance if my next post is not on schedule - I have so much work to do at the moment...I'm hoping that (Lord willing) I can get caught up this weekend, but I thought I should warn you just in case. Maybe some more photography will be in the next post? We shall see.

I thank God for you - may He bless and keep you. :)